Review: Stealing Candy: A Reverse Harem Romance by Krista Wolf

 

Print Length: 229 pages

Publisher: Krista Wolf (September 14, 2020)

From Goodreads.com: Stuck working Sleepy Hollow's Oktoberfest in upstate NY wasn't much fun, until a trio of gorgeous blond vikings burst into my life. Sure they were wearing Halloween costumes, but why shouldn't that just add to the fun?

Crisp autumn days. Cozy nights by the fire. Working the Halloween holiday season wasn't all bad, until my friend left me house-sitting a strange cottage all alone, in a legendary old town.

Enter my three handsome saviors, ripped and gorgeous, all fighting to rescue me at once. But when an impromptu kissing contest evolves into something so hot it turns me into a molten puddle? My lips aren't the only thing the guys are willing to share.

But Soren and Tristan harbor a secret of their own, and their hilarious college roommate Lucas is on board for anything. Running an old bed and breakfast on the far side of town, the guys need exactly the type of womanly help I'm willing to provide... provided they keep up their end of the bargain, which of course includes taking very good care of me.

Three incredible men. One very willing beer-maid. No rules, no limits, no jealousy - just tons of sizzling hot action peppered by so many twists and turns, not even the Headless Horseman could keep up!

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My Rating: 1 star out of 5

What I thought I was getting? Everything the blurb promised. Sizzling hot action, twists and turns to keep me guessing, and complex characters with a secret or two. 

What I got? 

A whiny female lead who tries to convince us time and again that she isn't (justifiably) mad that her best friend ditched her after said friend was the one that made all the plans to housesit and work and then left soon after, leaving out poor girl alone in an unfamiliar place (even though said main character CONSTANTLY goes out of their way to be snarky to said friend on the phone). Although I can't say I completely blame her when the friend in question is a flighty piece of fluff that has no thoughts other than those that revolve around herself or her own love life. 

What else I got?

Sex scenes that if they aren't anatomically impossible are certainly written in a way that makes no sense, or in other cases, makes the reader begin laughing so hard that they are pulled out of the story. For example, when receiving oral sex the author tells us that the female is "fully inside" of the male's mouth, and that her "button" is being thrummed. While I am already giggling like the twelve year old I apparently am, she orgasms and "clutches his face, squeezing him, thanking him for the gift he'd just given me". Oh and then there is the fact that somehow, she can be on the floor getting oral from one guy, whilst giving oral to the other two and one of the guys on the couch can easily feel up her ass. Maybe he's Stretch Armstrong? Wait am I the only one here old enough to remember Stretch Armstrong? Oh! And the author actually had one of the guys refer to her vagina as her "beautiful pink flower". 

Ah, sorry. I had to pause to wipe the tears of laughter from my eyes. 

Anyway, even though it was Candy's idea to have sexy, naked fun times, and even though she not only was an active participant, but obviously enjoyed it (from all the mmmmmms and NNNNGHHHs the author made us endure), we are then treated to her inner musings telling her how slutty she is? But of course, she doesn't think any less of the THREE MEN who also actively participated. No, she's too busy mentally flogging herself for it. Because of course, she's the woman. 

Sadly, it seems that once she gives in the first time, sex is all she can think about. Although considering one of her guys has a "knot" between his legs that "grows" as he "screws himself" against her ass it's a good thing. Knots between the legs can't be comfortable. Although I'm still trying to figure out how her butthole was "soaking wet". Maybe she needs a doctor too. 

I wish I could say there was some amazing sub-plot to carry this story, but there really isn't. The guys apparently own an inn with some bungalows and a gift shop that someone forgot to pay the mortgage on while they were busy dumping money into renovations so they end up getting a foreclosure notice, but even that doesn't deter dear Candy from coming up with even more ways for them to spend money (a bakery, a candy shop, and adding a small village complete with an ice skating rink to start) which leads me to believe that her friend isn't the only one who has no idea how the real world actually works. Where are the guys supposed to be getting the money for all of these grand ideas when they are in danger of losing everything? More to the point it seems they have already started moving forward with the plans to build t he bakery. To make Candy happy of course because she's a world-class baker of all the things. 

Well I'm sure the author will find some way to tie that up nicely. An inheritance or some other dumb... ahh yup just as I suspected. Suddenly the one (and only) plot-line that doesn't revolve around having sex that is so badly worded it's cringe-worthy is resolved.  

After that? I think I'll pass on reading anything else by this author. 

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                                                              Stealing Candy is available from Amazon.com

                                                              (for free if you subscribe to Kindle Unlimited)